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8/10/2002 12:18 AM

I know you've been stewing over it for days: "How is he going to rearrange his living room?" Well, to quell your white-hot curiosity, I have hired a team of drafters and engineers from a prestigious university, and told them my needs, and my available resources. The following schematic drawings are what they came up with. First off:

Before...

If you'll bear with me, I'll interpret this technical document into lay-terms. This is my living room, in its current configuration. The TeleVision is denoted by the "TV" marker, and the direction it faces is indicated by the "brightness lines." As you can see, the table is out of the view of the front of the TeleVision. This, as you know, is unacceptable, and is what produces my dillema. The team of experts took this information to their cavernous laboratories, and commited the task to their slide rules, mainframe computers, and fancy tables.

To my delight, they returned with this prototype:

After!!

As you can see now(if you can get through the technical aspects of the rendering)they accomplished 100% TeleVision visibility, from all living room fixtures, and even optimized the position of the couch, for more effective "passing out." Ah, science! I can now angrily watch the latest sports teams of today square off in their respective manners, from the loveseat, relax on my back, with my arms behind my head on the couch, or eat a nutritious meal, while watching the VJ's count off the hottest hit music singles of today, from the table.

Thank God for technology, without which I would have been trying to plot my furniture-rearranging scheme with crudely carven implements, along with various grunting noises.

12:18 PM, Aug 10, 2002

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