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I Probably Shouldn't Post This

I just met Heidi out for a drink at Grinder's, and was excited to see that they added another row of taps, including Delerium Tremens and Hobgoblin. Unibroue Ephemere and Duchesse du Bourgogne are on the way, they said. Awesome. We had a nice talk, and tentatively agreed to come back next week for beer tasting, but the fact that I wasn't going anywhere afterward kind of acted as the catalyst in a chain of realizations that shot me off my happy horse.

Now, I'm pretty depressed, thinking about the state of things in my life, especially regarding women. I walked home from Grinders with my hands and feet feeling numb with depression, walking automatically, scarcely noticing all the smiling people around me, and feeling angry at them when I did. Why do they get to be so god-damned happy?

I have recently discovered that a woman I have liked for a while has blown me off, and upon further reflection, I realize that she has only ever been friendly with me when she wanted something from me. She has emotionally closed herself off from people with whom she used to be friends, myself included, and it hurts. It hurts a lot. I have decided that she's probably never going to come around, and even if she does, I can't risk investing care and emotion again, in someone that might flick it off like a switch.

This might be enough information for whomever she is to figure out that I'm talking about her, but I don't care. To hell with her. I'd love to be her friend, but now I realize that I can't afford to be anything more than that. However, I honestly don't think she's emotionally capable of being just a friend. At least not with me. But that's fine. It's not my problem anymore, and I have my own life to live. I made it my problem, and I opened myself up to it, and that was my mistake. Now I have only pain and regret to show for it. I'll finish feeling the pain of the situation, and feeling bad about myself, and I'll move on.

I'll have to stop thinking about her. Thinking about her used to be exciting for me, but now it just hurts.

It's just really sad for me to realize that I have to start over again.

8:48 PM, Mar 3, 2006


Vince interjected:

Johnny, Putting yourself out there is tough and the risk of rejection is always there. It takes guts to make a move sometimes. You're a brave man. Some advice though, don't dwell in self-pity, nothing good ever comes out of me...I know... Just go get drunk with a lot of friends this evening, don't think about the girl and maybe a new one will appear! Time heals wounds, and when it doesn't...that's why God invented Jagermeister! Cheers, Vince

12:32 PM, Mar 4, 2006

Rachel wants you to know:

I have one piece of advice - stay AWAY from Bright Eyes at all costs. Also, women ain't nothing but b... nevermind.

I went to The Map Room about a week ago and they had special glasses for the Delirium Tremens that they, too, had on tap! So, I kinda sorta helped myself to one of them. Whoo!

Take care, my brother of the rock and roll!

11:31 PM, Mar 4, 2006

RA Heller interjected:

That is classic John! LOL remind me to tell you the story about the smoke gernade at LorasPallooza. Great stuff.

8:47 AM, Mar 7, 2006

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