I got up at about nine on Saturday, feeling healthy and happy from no chemical intervention, the night before. I sat around, played some more nintendo, sent some emails, listened to some music, and had an altogether pleasant morning and early afternoon. My new mp3 player is pretty sluggish with loading new files onboard, taking full minutes to copy just a couple albums to it, and of course, I used the time just before my bus was expected to do this. As such, I had to run to the bus stop, only to find that it was about ten minutes late, and I had time after all.
I rode the bus all the way down to Waldo, and got off at about 3:10. I was meeting a large group at 3:30, in the parking lot at Lew's. We had a party bus that was taking us to the K for the Oakland game, but I had some time before this, and I didn't see anyone there yet, so I went inside and got a beer. As the bartender poured me a pale ale, I couldn't help noticing over the flashy clamor of the NFL draft on the bar's many televisions, and the babel of voices around me, that she had really, really nice breasts.
They weren't particularly big. They were just very well-shaped, and prominent in her low-cut shirt. Also, there's something you must understand about men and breasts. Air raid sirens could be going off, and an earthquake could be reducing the buildings to dust. It doesn't matter what's happening- a man's gaze will be irresistibly drawn to a wonderful pair of breasts, at least once, just to confirm to himself that, yes, those are awesome breasts.
Because of this attractive bartender and her intoxicating breasts, I actually had to make an effort not to look at them, and sort of leaned my head back when I talked with her, making it unmistakable that I was looking at her eyes. Even so, I still unconsciously stole glances, and was picked off a couple times. I was glad when my beer was done, so I could go outside and wait for the group in peace.
3:30 rolled by, and nobody came. 3:40 rolled by, and I had by that time made several phone calls, to no avail, or even any answer. Finally, at about a quarter to four, I got a call from Geoff, who said he was making calls too, but wasn't any luckier than I was. Despondent, I gave up, and started walking back to the bus stop at 74th and Broadway. When I was about two hundred yards away, I had a clear line of sight to the stop, and the bus I would be boarding momentarily. Unfortunately, it lurched into gear just then, and started rolling away, about five minutes early. I was upset. I got to the stop a bit later, and looked at the schedule. The next bus wouldn't depart for another half hour.
Feeling depressed and blown off, both by my friends and by the area transit authority, I just started walking. 75th Street is a long way from 11th Street, but I wasn't concerned with distance at that particular moment. What else did I have going on? So I walked. I walked to Brookside, to UMKC, and to the Plaza. Just near the Plaza, I got a call from Geoff. He said he had gotten the full scoop on what had happened. Apparently, I left Waldo in the bare nick of time to miss the bus-to-Kauffman crowd. He said he was going to the game independently, with Katie, and offered me a ride to said game. I accepted, and he eventually caught up with me when I had walked as far as Lost Sock just south of Armour. We spoke, however, when I was walking north on the east side of the Plaza, where I was about to cross Volker, the street that turns into Ward Parkway or 50th or something, when it crosses Main.
I suppose I had grown complacent, giving the ground the benefit of the doubt. About six inches before the south curb of Volker, I stepped unwittingly, with my left foot, into a ten-inch-deep hole in the ground. I toppled forward, while on the phone, and came to a harsh impact with my knees and palms, on the right lane of a street that commonly plays host to impromptu teenager car races. It hurt a lot. Luckily, the traffic that would have been happy to run me over was angrily occupied with a red light, so I picked myself up, surveyed my pinked palms, and noticed an acute pain in my right knee. I retied my shoes, and resumed my walk with a stinkily muddied left shoe.
After Geoff picked me up, we went back to his temporary housing, while his condo is being prepared, near the Moose, in Prairie Village, where he got dressed. I examined my knee, and saw that a small strawberry had been inflicted in my spill, through my jeans. Even so, I was fine, and just my pride was hurt. I shall learn to tread more carefully.
We drove over to Katie's place to pick her up, and I remarked at how nice it was. It was! Soon after arriving, however, Katie received word from Emily that because of the impending rain, which most assuredly came, the group at the Truman Complex would be heading back into town to pick us up, and head back out of town in the other direction, to go to Powerplay out in Shawnee for beer, billiards, and whirlyball.
However, that was going to be about an hour, as Emily still had to rally the troops, and get everyone back on the party bus. With a happy window of time, Geoff, Katie, and I went over to the Peanut at 76th and Metcalf, where Katie and I enjoyed some messy BLT sandwiches. I feel compelled to announce here that they're just as tasty in the spirit-crushing suburbs as they are at my local Peanut location, at 9th and Washington. We finished our beers and sandwiches, saw Reggie Sanders smash out a rare Royals homer, and got moving in time for the rain to start. This was about 6:30 PM, and the rain continued for perhaps fourteen hours.
We got back to Katie's place, where I tried out her bathroom(thumbs up!), and had just finished washing my hands when the party bus pulled up just outside her place. We jumped on, and managed to drink two beers on the way to Powerplay, perhaps fifteen minutes away. People were using the celebrated "beer bong" technology on the bus, and spirits were high.
I had never played whirlyball before, but I had heard it was fun. Geoff, Katie, Greg, Maggie, and I formed a team, and rocked the house. After now having played a couple of games, I can without hesitation say that it's the greatest game of all time. It's vicious, competitive, easy, rewarding, and a great game to follow with copious drinking. We whirlyballed into the night, and when the lights started to be turned off, we took our leave. We piled back on the bus and went to Waldo, where a number of odd but nice things happened.
First of all, I drank another two beers on the way back, and performed my first beer bong drink since I was about 20. Second, a beautiful woman named Kit called me cute, and told me that she'd "totally" date me if she wasn't safely attached. She freely admitted this without me having to make a pass at her, or even compliment her. Third, another beautiful woman, named Alyssa(I never got the spelling for it), approached me and started talking to me. The crutch of it all was that my only ride back home, that night, was onboard one of the buses of the KCATA, which cut short the conversation the lovely Alyssa started with me to about five minutes, which, as I remarked to Geoff later, is too short a time to acquire a phone number in an unweird fashion.
I got home at about 12:30, watched the newest episode of "The Office," and went to bed.
Jeff IMed me this morning, asking if I wanted to go and get some Qdoba with him, for lunch. I accepted, and he came to pick me up. After lunch, we went over to some mini-storage place to have a look at a storage unit we plan on splitting once he moves in. We wandered around Johnson County, getting relatively lost several times in the process. We arrived at the mini-storage place ten minutes before closing, and the tubercular-voiced attendant reluctantly showed us a unit once we had trespassed our way in, at my urging. The unit was satisfactory.
From there, we figured we were far enough out that going to Barley's in Shawnee wasn't that much more. Actually, it turns out, it is. Nevertheless, we dug the tap selection, and helped ourselves to second and third rounds. The third round was complimentary for me. I guess the bartender thought I was cute, too.
After that, we went to Tanner's in Waldo, and had, like, four more beers. It was ridiculous. I caught my bus back downtown at 8:20, and here I am. I guess I'm going to work tomorrow.
Hey, I read the whole thing! Plus, I even enjoyed it. Anxiously awaiting free beer...
3:34 PM, May 2, 2006
i've said it before and i'll say it again:
i am in favor of breasts.
11:57 PM, May 5, 2006